I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
