i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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