i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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