i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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