Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I would ride that face into the sunset
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
