Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
