Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
