Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
