Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
