Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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