what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
