we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
