My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
