You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
