someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I cockslap morals
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
