Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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