Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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