On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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