Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
