Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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