OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
