her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
