her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
