Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
