There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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