Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
