Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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