She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
