You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
