I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
