Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
