hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
