How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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