Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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