Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
