a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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