Nicole vs. Life
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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