her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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