Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
