I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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