I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
