I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
