i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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