So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
