ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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