Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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