I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
