Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
