the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
dude. I can hear the air.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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