Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
